Dear Thrive,

Between work, my kids’ activities, church, and family obligations, I feel like I’m constantly on call. When I even think about saying “no” to someone, I feel guilty—like I’m being selfish or unloving. But honestly? I’m tired, frustrated, and sometimes even resentful. Is it really okay to have boundaries?

You are not alone.  The word “boundaries” can feel like a buzzword—or something reserved for extreme situations. But the truth is, boundaries are for all of us. They’re not walls to keep people out; they’re guardrails to keep us from driving off the cliff of emotional burnout. Without them, we end up giving to others at the expense of ourselves—and that leads to resentment, anxiety, and emotional withdrawal from the people we love most.

Even Jesus had boundaries.

In Luke 5:16, we see Jesus regularly withdrawing to lonely places to pray. He didn’t meet every need or say yes to every request. In Mark 1:38, He even walked away from people who were looking for Him to do more. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re unloving—it means you’re honoring your limits so you can love others well, like Jesus did.

Psychologically, boundaries help us regulate emotions, reduce anxiety, and maintain self-respect. They can be internal (like keeping promises to yourself) or external (like saying no when someone crosses a line). Setting and keeping boundaries makes space for self-care and protects your emotional bandwidth—so you can show up for others with authenticity, not obligation.

Try This:

• Identify one internal boundary you want to honor this week (e.g., keeping your workout even if someone asks you to skip it).
• Practice one external boundary, like saying “I can’t do that right now” when someone makes a last-minute request.
• Reflect on Luke 5:16. What might stepping away for renewal look like in your life?
• Remember: boundaries are not selfish. They’re a form of wisdom and love—for others, and for yourself.

Elliot Sands is the Executive Director of Faith First, host of the Live Faith First Podcast and is currently enrolled in a Master of Psychology program at California Southern University.  With experience as a pastor, school principal and health-tech start-up he has a varied background.  Three children, and three grandchildren give Elliot and his wife Penny ample opportunity to set boundaries, and at times move those boundaries.  esands@livefaithfirst.org